shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
