i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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