So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
