Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
