I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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