I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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