You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
