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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?

  (1-859): View more from Kentucky

  It's after 5, it's not day drinking.

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• (212): View more from New York

  you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window

  (212): View more from New York

  i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"

  (1+61): View more from

  I don't know if I want context or not...

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital

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• (954): View more from Florida

  pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten

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