Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You may now shotgun with the bride
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
