the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
it hurts more in the daytime
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
