She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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