And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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