Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
