i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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