Please, let me fuck your mom
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
