there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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