No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well I just put wine in my tea
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
