here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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