dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
don't judge my taste in strippers
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
