my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
