My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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