ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
