When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
