you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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