Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
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I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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