What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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