Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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