I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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