So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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