then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She bit a glass in half.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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