I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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