I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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