What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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