Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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