So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The struggles of a small town man whore
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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