I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
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I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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