3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
