is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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