You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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