I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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