I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
