Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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