the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
