What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
