you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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