she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize