If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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