All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
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you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
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I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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