Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
