We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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