Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
