So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
