I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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