She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
