okay pat passed out under dana's car
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
