my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize