I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
tell me about the fingering
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