This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
