STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
