she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
false alarm, still single
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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