Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
