The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
