I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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