you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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