New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You've changed since you got that strap on
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
