She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
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She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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