If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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