I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
