So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
