I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
