Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
