meet me or not, i'm out of control
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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