very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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