i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
