wrigley field is MILF paradise
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Randomize
