Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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