you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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