I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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