brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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