Yo dont text me then not text me
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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