I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
