So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
