so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
