I'm really into asian looking animals
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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