I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
