I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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