yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
