im six kinds of drunk right now
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
