Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
